Seperating the wealth from the chavs

I'm incredibly rich. Many people don't like to talk about their wealth, but I believe that it's something that you should just get out in a conversation as soon as possible. After all, you wouldn't want to invest half an hour of your precious time chatting to someone who was then unable to play a game quazball (it's silicon valley's latest craze) simply because they couldn't afford the hideously expensive quazball mallet and degaussing wand.

I believe that soon, short range wireless technologies combined with VDU goggles and complex scene rendering technology will allow me to walk through a crowd of people, assessing each person's worth, by totaling up the value of their possessions, from the Bluetooth signal given out by their mobile phone, to the RFID tag embedded in their top quality designerwear. Poor people will be removed from my field of view, perhaps being replaced by the images of movie stars, or street furniture.

I confidently predict that by the year 2050, I'll be able to actually ignore poor people, rather than pretending to, just as I do now.

A collection of my quotes

People are always asking me for a summary of all of the famous quotes I've made in my long career. Last night, I got Mandy, my secretary, to compile them all into a list. So here they are:

"In 200 years you might be married to a machine"
-Guest speaker at PCITD, Moscow, 4th August 2005


"In a decade, your vacuum cleaner may call you at work to remind you to pick up a vacuum cleaner bag on the way home"
-The Uxbridge Union, 4th August 2005


"Your home is a building. It is also a machine of which you are an integral part. How well do you integrate with it?"
-The Better Home Exhibition, London 31 April 2003


"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download the human brain within 5 years"
-Compotrex 1985


"512Kbits? You can only get real work done when you have a terabit link directly into your brain!"
-ConnComCon. Connecticut, 3rd December 2002.


"Ask yourself... Are you driving the computer or is the computer driving you?"
-CanComCon, Toronto, 4th December 2002.


"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download the human brain within 10 years"
-Compotrex 1990


"Umm, I'm afraid I don't have much change. Will this twenty be ok?"
-Tesco Supermarket, Cambridge 4th February 1998


"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download with the human brain within 15 years"
-Compotrex 2000


"Data is like sea water, it's plentiful. Information, however, is like the arse of a bee"
-London, 3rd July 2003


"Whaaa.. GNnnnn... No! Mummy! No!"
-Mumbled in sleep, 2nd January 2006


"I confidently predict we'll be able to download the brain of a bee within 5 years."
-Compotrex 2005

Home is where the bricks is.

I have a friend who travels everywhere in a motor home. It's very convenient, but I can't help buy feel that it's a little cramped. The fact is, you don't need the air space in the centre of the van while you are travelling along.. The fact is, it's more of a hinderance than a help.

This is where I predict intelligent bricks will come into play. Imagine filling a trailer with intelligent bricks. You offload the bricks at your destination, and then they build themselves into the house of your choice, linking together with mechanised link bolts.

it's all in the genes.

Britain will be hosting the olympics in 2012. This means that we have 6 years to come up with some world beating atheletes.

Let's face it, China, the US and Australia have stolen a lead on creating some super fit athletes. The only hope for us is if we GROW some competitors. Sounds mad? well, the kind of technology as seen on films like "demolition man" and "the 6th day" may soon become reality.

Imagine a team of toned, perfect competitors. This team will have been grown in a giant test tube in super quick time, probably using stem cell technology, combined with some kind of flesh growth medium. Don't ask me how it'll all work, I'm just a futurologist. We'll get some clever bods to work on it.

The point is, technology has reached a point when we can do what we want. We can create humans in any shape we wish. super intelligent, super quick, super super... anything. Just look at the example set by The professor of cybernetics at the Millhampton Institute of Technology. He's already had his arm replaced with a vacuum cleaner in the name of science.

I think, therefore I'm yoghurt.

I was reading back over some of the predictions that futurologists had made over the past 6 months, and I came across a newspaper article the other day, and I came across an article predicting the creation of nano-enhanced intelligent yoghurt.

Intelligent yoghurt? Sometimes I wonder what kind of world some futurologists live in. Intelligent yoghurt? I mean, some people try to think outside the box, but others just don't know where the box is.

I've come to the conclusion that the general public won't appreciate tiny machines scurrying around inside their body unless there are clearly defined benefits, and I'm not sure if an interesting flavour provides enough justification to having your body invaded by tiny machines. People want a natural solution, something that is derived from mother earth.

Now, genetically enhanced intelligent fruit, that's where the real blue sky thinking is going on. Imagine an army of trillions of super intelligent stawberries that can work together using short range telepathy to help cure all of the problems of mankind. They'd have a built-in depression phase during which they're only too happy to leap into a blender to provide us with a tasty snack.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be happy eating robo-yoghurt - after all, it might be working for a foreign power, changing your body as the little nanobots turn you into into a flesh eating robot zombie soldier.

I, like most poeple, prefer their yoghurt dead, and if the fruit within gave its life willingly, then so much the better.

Fly me to the Moon

We live in a world where progress, regrettably, depends on funding.
There can be no better example of this than the recent 'X' Prize, which many people were discussing at the conference last week with relation to the recent NASA mission. For decades a viable commercial reusable replacement for the space shuttle has been a dream. The introduction of a $10m reward for the first non-government team to create such a craft fuelled rapid development, and now the dream is a reality.

Already Richard Branson, a long time fan of mine I believe, has made moves to become the first commercial operator in this field, or should I say 'this space'. His companies fortune supporting such a venture is another example of funding being required to drive back the frontiers of science and human achievement. And what's the benefit for him? Well, the thousands of people that are estimated to be egar to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars (or euros, given time) on a trip into space.
And so, as this small step of tourism begins, our eyes are naturally drawn to the next giant leap of the rich-mans hankering, as this will undoubtedly show the way of future development. The first thing that comes to mind is of course Mars. However this is really a government inspired goal. Getting there is a great show of a countries might and technology. A great indication of mankinds progression through it's social future-history. And of course the first stage of the human takeover of the galaxy. But let's face it - where's the fun in it?

This is what future scientific endeavour will ultimately be driven by. Individuals (that is - rich individuals) whims and fancies. So I favour not Mars as the future... but the moon. Yes, we've all gazed up at it... we all grew up watching films about travelling there... and we all, including the rich men of the world, have wondered just how fun it would be to live there.

Don't think I mean Moon-colonisation... that's not fun. Vacations on the Moon. This is the inevitable next step. This is where the next 'X prize' (The Y Prize?) will take us. Ultra-Rich moon tourists, willing to spend millions for a week on Luna. Going for a Moon Walk, and dipping their feet in the Sea-Of-Tranquillity (although not literally of course - it's not a real Sea, there's no water, and if they took their suits off they'd die).

Obviously there'd need to be staff on hand, to cater for our Extra-Terrestrial Tourists. Given that it would not be economically viable to fly them up and down on a regular basis, I would anticipate their contracts lasting several years at a time. In many ways, an excellent opportunity for the less wealthy to experience space travel AND get paid. Thus these people would be the first, and only permanent dwellers off world. Not scientists, or the like - remember: No fun equals no funding.

So I can confidently predict, the first people to live on the moon will be... caterers.

Future Tense

It was the final day of the Florida Future Forecast 2005 conference today. Many of the attendees are now looking forward to the future of their studies, companies and daily life. All will be excitedly wondering how they can incorporate their new knowledge of upcoming developments into their work.

I return to merry England on Saturday. Overall I'd say the conference has been of benefit to mankind. Modesty forbids me from suggesting Wednesday afternoon was the highlight of the week for many people, but this has been suggested by some. The gathering of so many fine minds in one place naturally results in much social networking. This will lead to future partnerships and collaborations between scientists and thinkers. I have been proud to have been a part of such an endeavour, and I know many others feel exactly the same way.
My thanks go to the organisers, and to the city of Orlando for hosting the event. And, for those who wondered, I shall be pleased to try and fit it into my diary for next year, when asked to attend.