The monkey to the future

I've been reading a lot of articles in the technology press recently about cyborg pets - chickens with remote petting attachments, squirrels with built in GPS tracking systems, dog tail wag translating systems - it has really been a press feeding frenzy.

What many people don't realise is that none of these ideas are new. The UK government designed pigeon guided missiles during world war two, as well as training rats to throw themselves kamikaze-style into enemy furnaces, where their internally planted explosive would detonate. We can't forget the CIA's attempt to augment cats with internal bugging devices, so that they could listen in on Kremlin secrets. More recently, the US navy has deployed a troop of cybernetically modified seals to attack enemy divers near naval establishments.

We've all been implanting dogs with micro-chips for tracking for many years now. This was the same kind of chip that was implanted in a human guinea pig at a UK university recently. Animals have truly become the original cyber-enhanced entities. It's the next logical step to extend their capabilities further. Think how much more useful a pet could be if it was intelligent enough to call for pizza, cook dinner, or even pick up the kids from school. All it would require is some kind of brain implant to enhance their cognitive processes.

These developments could have profound consequences for mankind's future development. I confidently predict that within 100 years we could completely eliminate the use of underage labour in indonesian sweatshops by replacing the workforce with super intelligent part-cyborg monkeys.