Dr Orford's world of the future

Seperating the wealth from the chavs

2006-06-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm incredibly rich. Many people don't like to talk about their wealth, but I believe that it's something that you should just get out in a conversation as soon as possible. After all, you wouldn't want to invest half an hour of your precious time chatting to someone who was then unable to play a game quazball (it's silicon valley's latest craze) simply because they couldn't afford the hideously expensive quazball mallet and degaussing wand.

I believe that soon, short range wireless technologies combined with VDU goggles and complex scene rendering technology will allow me to walk through a crowd of people, assessing each person's worth, by totaling up the value of their possessions, from the Bluetooth signal given out by their mobile phone, to the RFID tag embedded in their top quality designerwear. Poor people will be removed from my field of view, perhaps being replaced by the images of movie stars, or street furniture.

I confidently predict that by the year 2050, I'll be able to actually ignore poor people, rather than pretending to, just as I do now.

A collection of my quotes

2006-05-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

People are always asking me for a summary of all of the famous quotes I've made in my long career. Last night, I got Mandy, my secretary, to compile them all into a list. So here they are:

"In 200 years you might be married to a machine"
-Guest speaker at PCITD, Moscow, 4th August 2005

"In a decade, your vacuum cleaner may call you at work to remind you to pick up a vacuum cleaner bag on the way home"
-The Uxbridge Union, 4th August 2005

"Your home is a building. It is also a machine of which you are an integral part. How well do you integrate with it?"
-The Better Home Exhibition, London 31 April 2003

"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download the human brain within 5 years"
-Compotrex 1985

"512Kbits? You can only get real work done when you have a terabit link directly into your brain!"
-ConnComCon. Connecticut, 3rd December 2002.

"Ask yourself... Are you driving the computer or is the computer driving you?"
-CanComCon, Toronto, 4th December 2002.

"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download the human brain within 10 years"
-Compotrex 1990

"Umm, I'm afraid I don't have much change. Will this twenty be ok?"
-Tesco Supermarket, Cambridge 4th February 1998

"I confidently predict that we'll be able to download with the human brain within 15 years"
-Compotrex 2000

"Data is like sea water, it's plentiful. Information, however, is like the arse of a bee"
-London, 3rd July 2003

"Whaaa.. GNnnnn... No! Mummy! No!"
-Mumbled in sleep, 2nd January 2006

"I confidently predict we'll be able to download the brain of a bee within 5 years."
-Compotrex 2005

Home is where the bricks is.

2006-02-11T01:26:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who travels everywhere in a motor home. It's very convenient, but I can't help buy feel that it's a little cramped. The fact is, you don't need the air space in the centre of the van while you are travelling along.. The fact is, it's more of a hinderance than a help.

This is where I predict intelligent bricks will come into play. Imagine filling a trailer with intelligent bricks. You offload the bricks at your destination, and then they build themselves into the house of your choice, linking together with mechanised link bolts.

it's all in the genes.

2006-02-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

Britain will be hosting the olympics in 2012. This means that we have 6 years to come up with some world beating atheletes.

Let's face it, China, the US and Australia have stolen a lead on creating some super fit athletes. The only hope for us is if we GROW some competitors. Sounds mad? well, the kind of technology as seen on films like "demolition man" and "the 6th day" may soon become reality.

Imagine a team of toned, perfect competitors. This team will have been grown in a giant test tube in super quick time, probably using stem cell technology, combined with some kind of flesh growth medium. Don't ask me how it'll all work, I'm just a futurologist. We'll get some clever bods to work on it.

The point is, technology has reached a point when we can do what we want. We can create humans in any shape we wish. super intelligent, super quick, super super... anything. Just look at the example set by The professor of cybernetics at the Millhampton Institute of Technology. He's already had his arm replaced with a vacuum cleaner in the name of science.

I think, therefore I'm yoghurt.

2005-08-26T01:28:00.000-07:00

I was reading back over some of the predictions that futurologists had made over the past 6 months, and I came across a newspaper article the other day, and I came across an article predicting the creation of nano-enhanced intelligent yoghurt.

Intelligent yoghurt? Sometimes I wonder what kind of world some futurologists live in. Intelligent yoghurt? I mean, some people try to think outside the box, but others just don't know where the box is.

I've come to the conclusion that the general public won't appreciate tiny machines scurrying around inside their body unless there are clearly defined benefits, and I'm not sure if an interesting flavour provides enough justification to having your body invaded by tiny machines. People want a natural solution, something that is derived from mother earth.

Now, genetically enhanced intelligent fruit, that's where the real blue sky thinking is going on. Imagine an army of trillions of super intelligent stawberries that can work together using short range telepathy to help cure all of the problems of mankind. They'd have a built-in depression phase during which they're only too happy to leap into a blender to provide us with a tasty snack.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be happy eating robo-yoghurt - after all, it might be working for a foreign power, changing your body as the little nanobots turn you into into a flesh eating robot zombie soldier.

I, like most poeple, prefer their yoghurt dead, and if the fruit within gave its life willingly, then so much the better.

Fly me to the Moon

2005-08-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

We live in a world where progress, regrettably, depends on funding.
There can be no better example of this than the recent 'X' Prize, which many people were discussing at the conference last week with relation to the recent NASA mission. For decades a viable commercial reusable replacement for the space shuttle has been a dream. The introduction of a $10m reward for the first non-government team to create such a craft fuelled rapid development, and now the dream is a reality.

Already Richard Branson, a long time fan of mine I believe, has made moves to become the first commercial operator in this field, or should I say 'this space'. His companies fortune supporting such a venture is another example of funding being required to drive back the frontiers of science and human achievement. And what's the benefit for him? Well, the thousands of people that are estimated to be egar to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars (or euros, given time) on a trip into space.
And so, as this small step of tourism begins, our eyes are naturally drawn to the next giant leap of the rich-mans hankering, as this will undoubtedly show the way of future development. The first thing that comes to mind is of course Mars. However this is really a government inspired goal. Getting there is a great show of a countries might and technology. A great indication of mankinds progression through it's social future-history. And of course the first stage of the human takeover of the galaxy. But let's face it - where's the fun in it?

This is what future scientific endeavour will ultimately be driven by. Individuals (that is - rich individuals) whims and fancies. So I favour not Mars as the future... but the moon. Yes, we've all gazed up at it... we all grew up watching films about travelling there... and we all, including the rich men of the world, have wondered just how fun it would be to live there.

Don't think I mean Moon-colonisation... that's not fun. Vacations on the Moon. This is the inevitable next step. This is where the next 'X prize' (The Y Prize?) will take us. Ultra-Rich moon tourists, willing to spend millions for a week on Luna. Going for a Moon Walk, and dipping their feet in the Sea-Of-Tranquillity (although not literally of course - it's not a real Sea, there's no water, and if they took their suits off they'd die).

Obviously there'd need to be staff on hand, to cater for our Extra-Terrestrial Tourists. Given that it would not be economically viable to fly them up and down on a regular basis, I would anticipate their contracts lasting several years at a time. In many ways, an excellent opportunity for the less wealthy to experience space travel AND get paid. Thus these people would be the first, and only permanent dwellers off world. Not scientists, or the like - remember: No fun equals no funding.

So I can confidently predict, the first people to live on the moon will be... caterers.

Future Tense

2005-08-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

It was the final day of the Florida Future Forecast 2005 conference today. Many of the attendees are now looking forward to the future of their studies, companies and daily life. All will be excitedly wondering how they can incorporate their new knowledge of upcoming developments into their work.

I return to merry England on Saturday. Overall I'd say the conference has been of benefit to mankind. Modesty forbids me from suggesting Wednesday afternoon was the highlight of the week for many people, but this has been suggested by some. The gathering of so many fine minds in one place naturally results in much social networking. This will lead to future partnerships and collaborations between scientists and thinkers. I have been proud to have been a part of such an endeavour, and I know many others feel exactly the same way.
My thanks go to the organisers, and to the city of Orlando for hosting the event. And, for those who wondered, I shall be pleased to try and fit it into my diary for next year, when asked to attend.

Seeing isn't Believing

2005-08-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

It seems my speech yesterday has been universally applauded. Many people who had been unable to attend at the time have since come up and expressed their regrets at missing what they've heard to be "a very energised vision of future personal enhancement".
I have to admit to feeling quite encouraged by all the praise. This is a topic I shall have to write more about in the future.

One of the afternoon speakers brought onto the stage a number of small scuttling robots. The subject of his talk was automation of household tasks - cleaning carpets, washing sinks, mowing the grass etc. While the subject matter was interesting enough, the distraction of having a number of little crawling machines falling over each other was pure grandstanding. They were not prototypes of any kind, just 'examples of the size and manor of future household robots'. While they generated a good deal of 'ooh's and 'arhs' from the ladies in the audience, I felt they added nothing of value to the presentation, and such showmanship has no place in a serious conference.

Leader of the Pack

2005-08-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. The mornings speakers were all interesting and informative. The lunch was finely prepared. The first presenter in the afternoon was very dull and dry, but I must confess I didn't mind too much as I was to be the next speaker. Churlish I know, but it never hurts to follow a poor presenter.
Although pressures of time had caused the organisers to ask me to shorten my talk on Cyber-Bionic Security, I feel it went down very well. Many of my ideas and notions were so far ahead of the other speakers, that the attendees stunned silence spoke for itself.

The rest of the afternoon was fairly bland in comparison, although one talk about renewable energy sources did get me thinking. But you'll have to wait until a future blog entry for that.
I get the impression that this blog is greatly appreciated by the organisers and attendees alike for the attention it is bringing the conference.

A Bronx Tale

2005-08-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

One of my long time friends and fellow futurologist Professor Louek Hemelleurder from New York was giving a speech today. While often longwinded in his explanations, I have the greatest respect for his chosen subject matter - future monetary systems. New York has it's own problems with physical cash, namely that people on the street all want to steal it, and Professor Hemelleurder considered this issue in his solutions. Unfortunately, many of his solutions are still prone to criminals removing various body parts. I did suggest chromium skeleton implants would help with this problem, but it appears that there was an amusing disturbance somewhere in the conference room, and my comment was not taken up.

Several of the conference attendees have been reading my blog, with many more expressing their intent to do so. So hello to all my new readers. I'd like to thank the official who has confirmed that the conference FFF logo was in fact designed by a child in a high school art contest. I find this almost disgraceful. While I am all in favour of encouraging children to get involved with science, under strict adult supervision of course, art is not science. And this kind of encouragement - dressing science up as painting pictures is going to do nothing but damage the future generations of technology developers.

The Gathering

2005-08-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, after a good nights sleep, I sat myself down in the main conference theatre, ready for the first day. I thought it went well. Many of the speakers were quite informative, and for the most part their revolutionary ideas were pretty close to my own thoughts.

I've spoken to several people, and they are all looking forward to my talk on Wednesday. Surprisingly, some were not regular readers of this blog, but they have promised to mend their ways, and join the rest of the scientific community.

I had hoped that the logo for the Florida Future Forecast conference that I'd seen on the promotional material would have been replaced at the event. But no, the garish triple F logo remains. Really, it looks like it was designed by a child in a high school art contest.

Logos aside, I'm hoping that this magnificent collection of scientific talent, which I'm confident I can work effectivly with, will prove to be a languard for much benifical technological advancement.

Long Way to Morning

2005-08-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

I have finally arrived in Orlando for the Future Forecast 2005 conference this week.
It was possibly one of the worst flights I have ever had.
The plane was delayed over two hours before take-off, due to weather conditions at another airport. I find that sort of excuse very poor. It really wouldn't take that much effort to have a spare couple of planes at each major airport kept to one side so when there are delays of this kind, the spares can be brought into service, and keep the schedules on time. I'm sure the additional cost of this would be happily covered by the public, in return for a greater confidence that their transport will be leaving and arriving on time.

Still tomorrow the conference, and I look forward to it with anticipation. Do join me here each evening, as I summarise the days events.

Coming soon, to a conference near you!

2005-07-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

For those who asked, I have come to an agreement with the organisers of Future Forecast 2005, the conference in Florida I've been asked to attend. I shall be lecturing the attendees on Cyber-Bionic Security. I won't spoil anything by talking about it here, suffice to say that a whole new branch of technology is inevitable, and I have spent much time thinking about it.

It's slightly irritating, but the organisers have asked if I would mind rescheduling to Wednesday. I think it's a little dis-organised, but as I'll be there all week, I suppose it's not entirely inconvenient.
As the conference finishes each day at 5.30, and there is little to do in Orlando, I'll be updating this blog every evening during the week of the conference.

The future of talks

2005-06-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

I look forward to seeing many of you in August at the Florida Future Forecast 2005 conference. For those who don't know, this is a week long conference with many prominent guest speakers talking about a variety of upcoming technologies and futurology forecasts. Unfortunately, if you don't know of it by now, you're unlikely to of been considered important enough to be invited to attend.

I've been asked to give a small talk on the Tuesday, and am in negotiations as to exactly what the topic will be. I'm leaning towards a talk I've been working on about encrypted laser communication systems, although the conference organisers are more keen to hear more on the household pet training implants, that I wrote a paper on last year. My own views are that last year is last year, and the future for animal training lies in ultrasonic Pavlovian hypnosis, but it seems a games manufacturer will be presenting information on something similar. A games manufacturer! I ask you. What the organisers are doing letting such speakers into the conference is beyond me.

The monkey to the future

2005-05-27T00:42:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot of articles in the technology press recently about cyborg pets - chickens with remote petting attachments, squirrels with built in GPS tracking systems, dog tail wag translating systems - it has really been a press feeding frenzy.

What many people don't realise is that none of these ideas are new. The UK government designed pigeon guided missiles during world war two, as well as training rats to throw themselves kamikaze-style into enemy furnaces, where their internally planted explosive would detonate. We can't forget the CIA's attempt to augment cats with internal bugging devices, so that they could listen in on Kremlin secrets. More recently, the US navy has deployed a troop of cybernetically modified seals to attack enemy divers near naval establishments.

We've all been implanting dogs with micro-chips for tracking for many years now. This was the same kind of chip that was implanted in a human guinea pig at a UK university recently. Animals have truly become the original cyber-enhanced entities. It's the next logical step to extend their capabilities further. Think how much more useful a pet could be if it was intelligent enough to call for pizza, cook dinner, or even pick up the kids from school. All it would require is some kind of brain implant to enhance their cognitive processes.

These developments could have profound consequences for mankind's future development. I confidently predict that within 100 years we could completely eliminate the use of underage labour in indonesian sweatshops by replacing the workforce with super intelligent part-cyborg monkeys.

Put your cross here, there and everywhere

2005-05-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

Following all the excitement regarding the elections last week, I thought only right that I allowed you all a peek into my own thoughts. Fear not, I'm not about to share with you my particular political views, suffice to say all the important parties, and the Liberal Democrats, should focus more of their manifesto on the advancement of science, and thus mankind. While government money spent on hand outs to the "needy" are all well and good, if the money was spent on research grants we might be able to solve all their needs. Cheap robot nannies to look after toddlers will save money on childcare vouchers. Drugs to delay puberty would greatly cut down teenage pregnancy.

It is this current public focus on politics that has led me to speculate about how governments of the future will operate. Democracy is probably the way things will continue... But the idea of voting for a representative who will make decisions for you may have a limited place in the world of tomorrow. With the forthcoming release of identity cards, electronic voting, and other techno-political implementations, it is surely only a matter of time before you can vote from home on any political decision, as opposed to who stays in a silly dancing competition. Imagine - the houses of parliaments stretching across the whole of the uk. Everyone having a direct say in every discussion.

While this may initially seem like a good idea, it should be fairly obvious that most people don't know or understand the first thing about running a country. So it will only be a matter of time before tests are introduced for people to prove they have the background needed for making informed decisions. For those who don't (and this will be the vast majority of people), I predict that they will only have the option of nominating a recognised authority to vote on their behalf. These people would undoubtedly campaign the receive nominations... and thus, the politicians of the future are born.
An ironic example of how technology will pave the way for progress, which then reverts to a situation remarkably similar to the current way of doing things.

Orford's home is his Castle

2005-04-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

Due to the amount of important theoretical research documentation - mostly my own ideas - I store in my own home, I have begun implementing what will one day be considered a state of the art home security system.

To start with, I thought I'd trial a shop-bought system so I can later compare it with my own designs. This break-in alerting system works using a coded numerical entry deactivation system and a variety of magnetic and electromagnetic spectrumed detection devices, and will generate a massive sonic pulse wave for summoning assistance.

The next stage will be even more impressive. As well as detection and alarm functions, it will also feature a series of automated counter-measures. Through a mix a pressure pads and optical sensors to locate an intruders precise position, they will be treated to a selection of deterrents. These will include focussed ultrasonic, knock-out gas and non-lethal projectile weapons (eg. air propelled steel pellets, aimed at their legs). The pressure pads can be used to determine they are in position for a 'trap area', and the optical systems used for aiming, if required.

As the development and testing of such systems will greatly benefit the public in general I will be happy to freely share the fruits of my labours. With this in mind, I have asked my good friend Dr Hans Riemenklammern of the Cambridge University Health and Security research team for a development grant. This further funding will allow me to continue operationalising my home security and counterintrusion measures strategy implementation.

Whirlwind of Technology

2005-03-22T17:47:00.000-08:00

I am looking forward to the new range of cyclone vacuum cleaners which, when faulty, will communicate with the companies support line, provide diagnostic information, and order it's own spare parts.

Finally, reality is catching up with my predictions. Now it is only a matter of time before my fridge can order fresh milk from the supermarket, my car can book it's own service and my washing machine can call the plumber itself following a leak.
I'm a keen connoisseur of home automation. Soon, my house will turn the lights on when I come in at night, open and close it's own curtains, activate the garage door when I leave and return, and I'll be able to can call it from my mobile to turn the heating on before I come home. My personal favourite will be a device that toasts my bread, and automatically sprays melted butter onto the slices.

Having my appliances look after themselves is simply the next logical step. I've far more important things to do with my life, than open curtains, repair cleaning equipment and book car services. Some people have their wives do this, I prefer for the items look after themselves.

I hope to be trialing the new cleaning products, and can only hope it breaks down shortly after delivery.

Sportsmen of the Future

2005-03-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

I recently found myself thinking about the Olympic games. There were a number of incidents of competitors failing drug tests of one kind or another.
Now, quite right and proper, these people who cheat should be punished. But I found my mind thinking along the following lines.

In car racing sports, engineers and technicians work hard to improve the performance of their engines by any means they can. Design changes, different tyres, fuel mix variations etc. In the Olympics, technical enhancements over the years have improved human performance by enormous digress - better running shoes, tighter lycra, more ergonomic bicycle helmets.

Well, why should they stop there? The human body is just as important part of an athlete as, say, their pole vault. If an adrenalin shot before competing would allow them to reach a faster speed - then why not. Nobody questions marathon runners who eat pasta, knowing that the high-energy chemical content will allow for sustained expended effort. If steroids during training will boost a weight lifters muscle growth, then fine. Their current training by lifting weights also boosts muscle growth, and that is not outlawed. Neither are the protein shakes I've heard they drink constantly.

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest allowing everything in the Olympics, or other sports events. But perhaps another class of competitor could be allowed - just as there are currently separate male and female versions of the same event, perhaps an additional class or two for 'maxi-man'. Why not? There is no suggestion currently that women should compete with the genetically superior opposite sex, it is only fair that they have their own races so they can compete on equal grounds. The same could be true for athletes who really want to see just how fast or strong the body can be, with help from todays scientists.

But why stop there? Yet another class could be introduced for cyber-athletes, to allow for an even greater collaboration between those who use their bodies, and those who use their minds. I would invigine separate classes for those who opt for the mechanical approach, as oppose to the biological method, primarily so that the differences between the two technology paths could be exhibited more clearly. With either route, I personally would value the opportunity to enhance a great Olympic competitor into an even greater one.

With you, once more

2005-02-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

My friends and followers of this column,

I must firstly apologise for my absence from writing for these last few months.
I was approached by a major world government - I can't say which one, suffice to say it is a highly respected administration - to head up a scientific security think tank. During the three month program I was, for obvious reasons, not permitted to update my blog. The work we accomplished, while I am restricted from talking about it, will undoubtedly change all your lives for the better over the coming decades. I am proud to have been a part of such important work, and feel I have done my duty as a prominent human being and have used my gifts to the benefit of mankind.

Due to my "time off" from my normal activities, I now have a lot of commitments to catch up on. Important lecture tours to pick up (and many thanks to my esteemed friends Professor Genne Anderbeit and Dr Harry S'fere for covering during my absence) and assorted cancelled guest speaker invitations to make up for (with particular apologies to the Canadian Orig-Naux Foundation for Original Thought for missing their centenary celebrations).

Despite the turmoil of recent times, and in particular my own life, I understand peoples need for stability. While my own schedule is, at best, difficult to forecast, I shall continue to update this column regally. I hope this will keep you all apprised of my thoughts and activates to a sufficient level.

Mass mind pollution

2004-09-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

Normally on Thursdays I host an online futurology seminar, but unfortunately my Macintosh was being serviced, so many thanks to Dr Eisig Fleischkloschen for taking over my role.

As a result of my absence from the information superhighway I was watching the television. This is not something I do very often, given the poor quality of programming on any of the multitude of channels I can receive on satellite and cable. I am unlikely to resort to the television in the future, given the display of ignorance and ineptitude to which I was exposed.

The object of my annoyance was a debate program with people discussing carbon sinks and 'pollution trading'. Now, I have my own views on this topic, which I will share with you in due time. But what annoyed me was the sort of people who were discussing the matter.

One was a scientist, who I'd never heard of and didn't even have a Phd, one was a political candidate, and the other two were just ordinary members of the public, with no qualifications whatsoever.
I do not think it is right that uneducated people should be put in a position to air their views on science on a popular television program that may influence large numbers of people who don't know any better than to listen.

There should, for these sort of programs, be some kind of screening process, so that the participants have a minimum standard of intelligence. The producers should take some responsibility for what can be an effective method of informing the viewing public what to think about important topics.
I have written to the station and volunteered my services for future debates. Rest assured, I'll let you know what results from this.

Send in the clones

2004-09-15T03:58:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to have myself cloned. After all, should I be damaged, or be killed, then the development of the human race could be critically slowed. People like myself are required to provide a guiding influence for the human race, and a ship without a captain may just run aground.

Many countries have been far too shortsighted on this issue, and I'll have to travel to a clinic in South America to have cells harvested. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Nanotechnology: the next big thing

2004-08-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm currently on a lecture tour of the USA at the moment, so I haven't had time to update my blog recently. If it wasn't for my PA, Felicity, I couldn't complete most of my everyday functions.

I heard with much dismay of plans by the UK government to put controls on nano scale devices. I fear that this could spell the end for a promising new branch of technology.

The relentless march towards small things can be seen all around us. Everything is shrinking, from the size of computers and personal stereos to cars and satellites. Just because my MP3 player is the width of an atom, should it be subject to the same controls as those that govern pesticides and chemical weapons?

I can see that within 15 years, nanotechnology will be at the forefront of the advancement of mankind. When you brush your teeth with nanotechnology toothpaste, trillions of tiny robots will be working on the surface of your teeth, ridding them of plaque and food debris. This is just a first step - robots could be cleaning your blood of fatty deposits, even perhaps augmenting your feeble organic body with mechanical devices. I confidently predict that within 30 years we will have amongst us, a race of superhuman immortal cyborgs that can communicate with each other via the internet.

Who knows? Perhaps I'm thinking this right now....

Relics are a thing of the past

2004-07-15T02:34:00.000-07:00

One thing I can't stand is a museum. Museums are full of old, musty stuff from the past. I think it's a real waste of money to try and preserve old things - it's all going to disappear eventually isn't it? You can't preserve things forever can you?

Advances in medical science have allowed us to see inside the human body, and modern medical techniques have been used to see inside the bodies of long dead mummies too. Why not use modern technology to map out artifacts that we find, and then store the data for posterity in the digital domain? You could then allow scientists from all around the world to examine artifacts by duplicating the digital copy.

Old buildings also suffer from expensive upkeep. Why not just grind down old buildings and their contents, and use the rubble as a foundation for brand new high-rise flats that will help deal with the housing shortages that we currently suffer from? If you want to visit the past, all you'll need to do is plug your brain into the internet, and download into your mind the items that were scanned in for posterity.

A chip in my shoulder

2004-07-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

I read today that Mexico's attorney general will have a chip implanted in his body for the purposes of access control, and tracking in the event of kidnap. This truly shows the way ahead for the human race as a breed of part machine, part organic beings. Those who watched the tv series "The 6 million dollar man" may have thought that the story was pure science fiction, but I think the news today shows that we are far, far closer to having a Colonel Steve Austin today than we ever were.

I confidently predict that within 10 years, you will be able to buy bionic upgrades that will enable you to perform everyday tasks with immense power or speed, perhaps even fly. Humans will be equipped with additional arm sockets into which we can attach household appliances which integrate directly with the nervous system.

Shopping backwards

2004-07-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

I was standing in the checkout of my local superstore yesterday, when I realised what a colossal waste of time it all was. Having to travel to my local superstore, select the goods, travel through the checkout, present my payment card, and then transport them back home and put them in my fridge. And I only came to the supermarket to buy a cream cake.

Why not use the Internet you might say? Many stores will ship goods to your doorstep if they were ordered using their web site. Alas, until they use retinal credit card authentication, I'm not trusting the security on these web sites. Even if I do order through a web site, I still have to order a weeks worth to make it worthwhile, and I have to wait for the delivery. I'd rather shop for individual items as and when I need them.

Modern technology can predict the weather accurately two days in advance, why not put those massive clusters of supercomputers to better use and use them to predict when I'll next desire a cream cake? Supermarkets already use computers to predict general trends in cream cake consumption, why not take the next logical step, and wire my brain up to the internet and predict an individual requirement for an individual item?

This probably all sounds like science fiction, but I predict that this will be commonplace within 10 years. You will simply desire a cream cake, and that desire would have been predicted based on your behavior patterns in the proceeding days by the CCTV system in your house, and the tracking chip embedded in your brain. Analysis of your stool will have shown any vitamin deficiencies that can be corrected by altering the constituent ingredients of the cream cake. The cake will be transported to you via a series of underground conveyor belts.

Supermarkets will be quite happy to pay for such large infrastructure developments, as they will no longer have waste cream cakes to dispose of. Alas, until the supermarkets see this massive opportunity, I have to stand in line at the supermarket queue where I am unnecessarily exposed to the public.